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THE BALANCING ACT

Building Balance for Better Living

SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2005

by Brent O'Bannon, MBS

(Author, Speaker, Counselor/Coach)

Read in this edition...

Always Personal... Coping with trauma        

Always Professional...Working with E's (experience)

Forever Playful... Humor in trauma and tragedy

Life sometimes brings a harsh reality! It could be the devastation of a hurricane, like we have recently witnessed, the death of a best friend in a car wreck, or a heinous crime. In psychology, we refer to these tragedies as trauma. 

In 1976, my family was shocked to get news that my maternal grandfather was stabbed to death. The killer brought unspeakable loss, pain, and devastation to our mental and emotional world. We had believed the world should be happy, positive, and painless. The reality discovered was that life will bring all of us, disappointments, negatives, and pain. None of us are exempt from trauma.

With so many people experiencing trauma recently, I believe it would be helpful to better understand trauma and discuss ways of coping with it.

Trauma can cause intrusive negative memories, frightening dreams, and flashbacks. You may feel like you are re-living the trauma, and experience mental/physical stress. A survivor of trauma, may attempt to avoid thoughts, feelings, or conversations about the trauma. They may feel detached, emotionally numb, in a daze, and unable to remember details of the traumatic event. There may be irritability, difficulty falling a sleep, difficulty concentrating, and startled responses.

Acute stress disorder and post traumatic stress disorder can develop without professional intervention. If you, or anyone you know, is experiencing or has experienced trauma, here are a few tips to deal with the aftermath.

1. Verbalize the details of your traumatic experience as quickly as possible. Reveal your thoughts, your feelings, and symptoms . Research reveals that our brain tends to shut down to avoid the pain of the trauma. Therefore, to heal, our brain has to acknowledge the trauma before it can heal the trauma.

2. Journal and write about your experience in the trauma. If you can't bring yourself to verbalize, then writing is the next best therapeutic exercise that you can do. Writing will bring up memories and emotions, so give yourself permission to stop if you start feeling overwhelmed.

3. Give yourself permission to grieve. The late Elizabeth Kubler-Ross wrote about the stages of grief. She taught that people can cycle through denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Grieving is an ongoing process and can repeat all over again when you have a  memory, a smell, a thought, or another trauma. 

Do you, your family or friend need counseling for trauma issues?

Visit my counseling services at www.brentspeaks.com                                               

What separates the men from the boys? What divides the old from the young? What distinguishes a professional from a novice? In that all important job interview you will most likely hear the question, "What experience do you have"?

Seventeen years ago, at age 24, I was a novice therapist who was armed and dangerous. I was armed with a masters degree and somewhat dangerous because I had very little experience. I remember feeling so unsure of myself. What do I say? How do I handle those complex problems? Older couples would come to counseling and they would give me this strange look and say, "Are you old enough to be counseling us?"

Some professions require you to have practicum experience or supervised experience, before launching out on your own. If you want to be the best professional possible, you must gain a variety of experiences along the professional path.

I want to quote,

"Open your Mind & Get an Education"

Whether for fee or free, book Brent for a personal, professional, & playful talk or training for your organization.   

"Brent gave a wonderful professional presentation with the right amount of humor, education, and heartfelt information! (Quote by recent workshop participant)  

Stay tuned, for the next edition to learn about Brent's third "Everyday Secret to Working with E's".

Call 903-819-0301 or  Contact Brent Now.

Charlie Chaplin once said, "Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long shot."

 It is frequently true what author, Allen Klein said, "Sometimes we do not see the importance of laughter in our dark times because we are so blinded by our tears." Aren't you amazed when people are able to use humor in times of trauma, tragedy, and death?

A speaker friend of mine recently shared her ordeal with breast cancer and mastectomy. She called her speech, "DiscomBOOBulated". She joked about milking people's sympathy and using cancer as an excuse to not have to talk to people on the phone, especially the ones she didn't want to talk to. She also poked fun of how she had not had this much attention about her chest since breastfeeding her twins! Anne Barab inspires me with her humorous twist on cancer and how "anyone who laughs lasts"! 

A recent counseling client shared with me how she was getting her will, her funeral, and burial plans together. She raved about her "shopping" experience of buying a casket. She wanted to make sure she had a modest, but elegant casket for her going away party. I asked her if she had already bought her burial clothes. She said, "Heavens no, I don't want to be out of style". My client taught me that death does not have to be such a "grave matter".

I'll never forget what I heard and saw when Vietnam Veteran, Dave Roever spoke at my church many years ago. Dave was severely disfigured in his face and body when he was hit by a phosphorous grenade in Vietnam. Dave shared his story of agony and how his entire life was changed from the war experience. He sat down at the piano and stated that he could now miraculously play the piano by ear. He then surprised the congregation by literally "taking his right ear off" and banging the piano keys! This is true "self-effacing" humor.

Another client recently lost her best friend to a tragic accident. My client had the difficult job of going through her deceased friend's belongings, clothes, and shoes to disburse. The shoes did not fit any other family member or friend, yet were the exact size for my grieving client. With tears in her eyes and a smile on her face, she said, "Dana always wanted me to feel like Cinderella." A Chinese proverb states, "You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair."

My wife and I, recently visited Aspen, Colorado on vacation and heard an interesting story of a burial. A famous author had died from cancer and had requested to be cremated and then shot out of a cannon from the top of the mountain. His ashes were scattered over the beautiful mountainside, that he loved so much. When I heard the true story, I said, "Now that's going out with a bang! That author knew how to write a happy ending."

Remember the words of Bernard Shaw, "Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh."

Keep the balance with being always personal, always professional, and FOREVER PLAYFUL!

"Are you having FUN YET !" 

Contact Brent now!  

• Do you have a question or comment for Brent?
• Do you or someone you know need counseling or coaching?
• Do you or your organization need a speaker/training workshop?
• What topics would you like Brent to write about in upcoming issues?

View Brent's resources at www.brentspeaks.com