THE BALANCING ACT

Building Balance for Better Living

February 2005

by Brent O'Bannon, MBS

(Author, Speaker, Counselor/Coach)

Always Personal…

I’ll never forget the day I was mesmerized listening to my professor talk about Robert Sternberg’s “triangular theory of love”. I was working on my master’s degree in counseling, married and definitely out of the honeymoon stage!

 I desperately needed to make sense of love. Do you need to make sense of love?

Sternberg wrote in his book, “Love the Way You Want It”, (1991) that the love triangle is built with commitment, intimacy and passion.

Commitment is our “decision” and “choice” to enter, maintain and stay in a relationship no matter what we “feel”. All love relationships start and end with a decision! Commitment really comes from individual character which is made up of persistence, long suffering, covenant, loyalty and honor. Commitment comes from our “will power” to grow together through the hard times.

What is your commitment level with your partner?

Intimacy can be terror and delight for many people. It is the “liking” and “closeness” you feel together as a couple. Intimacy is what best friends feel. Friends can share thoughts, feelings, ups and downs in a trusting supportive environment. Intimacy is “in to me u see”! Self disclosure is risking to “unzip” my thoughts, feelings and actions so you can know me.

 What is your intimacy level with your partner?

Passion is your “sexual attraction” and “emotional intensity” you have toward your lover!

There is no doubt in my mind that I had a “physiological arousal” of passion when I first saw Rhonda (my wife) as a freshman in college. I so happened to have my history class with her. I sat directly behind her and we eventually started studying together. The rest is “history” baby!!!

What is your passion level with your partner?

In my 20 year marriage with Rhonda we have had our moments when we almost decided to divorce. I have learned that commitment is the “glue” that helps us stick together when we feel like breaking apart. Intimacy is an ongoing work of making time to connect. We started our date night 13 years ago and now that the children are growing up (or at least moving out) we may go out several times a week. Some couples spend too much time together or too much time apart. We have discovered the importance of “balancing” time together and time apart.  Balancing a relationship is an ongoing process, but it helps create intimacy!

Love relationships are like a cake. The cake is the foundation and substance as commitment and intimacy are the foundation and substance of a love relationship.

The icing is what makes the cake sweet and delicious. Passion is the “icing” on relationships. You can always discover ways to put more icing into your relationship!

Mix a full scoop of commitment, intimacy and passion together in your love relationship and “you can have your cake and LOVE it too”!!! 

Do you need relationship counseling or coaching?

Take my FREE “Do I Need Counseling” test & get your personal results. CLICK HERE.

Would you like to hire Brent to speak/train on relationships in your organization?

Brent's new presentation is hot of the press:

“How to have your cake & LOVE it too”

(A Recipe for Romantic Relationships)

Call or Email Brent to set up the appointment-

903-819-0301 or brent@brentspeaks.com

Click the picture to email Brent

91% of singles surveyed on match.com said they would rather fall in love with someone who had a moderately “balanced life” than a “successful workaholic”.

It appears this research supports the adage, “all work and no play makes Jack a rich, but dull boy”?

Workaholics tend to work overtime, avoid vacations, take work home, have few if any close relationships and play or laugh little to none. Could it be that most work places love to TAKE ADVANTAGE of the “workaholic”?  Could it be that most significant others hate to live with the workaholic?

Psychologists report that there at least two kinds of workaholics.

1)  The job involved workaholic. This kind of workaholic feels “called” and totally enjoys the kind of work they do. This person feels passionate about their work and usually is highly satisfied with their work and life.

2)  The compulsive workaholic. This kind of workaholic is “addicted” to work. Working is no longer a choice but a “compulsion”. They have lost control and see work as a ritual without a reason. This type of workaholic tends to be rigid with themselves, their co-workers and their families. Research finds this type of workaholic has a high tendency towards “BURNOUT”.

Would you like to learn-

How to burn the candle at both ends without burnout?

Brent’s 2 CD set audio program is READY!!!

The Balancing Act

(The 7 Habits of a Balance Master)

Click here for more information or to purchase.

When is the last time you, your significant other, your children, your extended family or your friend's had FUN?

I asked Rhonda (my wife) what she thought would be romantic to do for Valentine’s Day. I’m a man, and of course I need ideas for romance. She said a picnic would be romantic. I began to plan. I really thought a picnic on top of a skyscraper in downtown Dallas would be GREAT, but I didn’t have the right connections to make it happen. Do any of you have the connection? Let me know if you do.

The next best thing to having a picnic on the top of a skyscraper was having a picnic on the 5^th story of a parking garage in Sherman!

Sitting on top of my Ford 150 pickup was the best seat in the house with a view of the city lights, a helicopter and the music of the hospital GENERATOR.

With our blankets & pillows, wine & cheese and snuggles & snickers we were HAVING FUN!!!

Since, I shared my fun valentine story with you, “I CHALLENGE YOU TO SHARE YOUR FUN STORY WITH ME!”

Anyone who emails me their FUN story/idea of how they had fun with their significant other, child, extended family, friends or co-workers gets their CHOICE of either a:

*FREE 30 minute phone coaching session  

                                   or

*FREE audio CD called “Winning in Everyday Life.”  

• Do you have a question or comment for Brent?
• Do you or someone you know need professional counseling or coaching?
• Do you or your organization need a speaker or training workshop?

      Contact Brent now!    Visit at:  www.brentspeaks.com