THE BALANCING ACT
Building Balance for Better Living

January 2006

 

Read back issues of The Balancing Act eZine. Forward this issue to family, friends or foe!

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People are sometimes surprised when they ask me how long I've been married. I jokingly tell them, "Over half my life." Maybe you're wondering if I've been married more than one time. Yes, I have. I had a bad marriage, better marriage, and now a balanced marriage. Amazingly, all of these times have been to the same wonderful woman of 21 years. People then ask me, "What is your secret to staying together?" At no cost, here is one of my top secrets.

Have a balance of time together and time apart!

It's true that Rhonda and I, and most couples spend every waking moment together when they first meet. Time together builds connection, commitment, communication, conflict resolution skills, and comfortableness. Couples can get busy, complacent, and grow apart if they don't spend enough time together. If either person feels too much distance, then that is a signal to spend more time together. My marriage became bad when I was too busy trying to save the world, and Rhonda was consumed with chasing the toddlers. We became separated and almost crashed in divorce. It was that crisis in the 7th year of our marriage that sparked the once a week date night. Spending time together renewed our connection, commitment, communication, conflict resolution skills, and relationship comfort.

Are you feeling emotional, spiritual, or physical distance from your significant other? Then it's time to make yourself spend time together!

You can become saturated and feel smothered when spending too much time together. Many couples become enmeshed and cannot enjoy anyone else. Each person becomes lost to their individuality and becomes dependent on the other person for total happiness. This is a signal to balance out the relationship with time apart. It is true that "absence makes the heart grow fonder." Do each of you have your own friends, your own hobbies, your own dreams, your own LIFE? My wife enjoys her periodic "girls night out".  I love seeing her flow in her own gifts, hobbies, and purpose. I feel good when she gives me my individual space to play golf, tennis, and be involved in Toastmasters.

Think about it. Whether you are a romantic couple, parents and children, extended family, co-workers or friends, all successful relationships will have a balance of time together and time apart.

Register now for Brent's upcoming relationship teleseminar's? Only $39 per individual/couple!

February 9th: Creating Consummate Love: How to have your cake and love it too!

February 23rd: Fair Fighting Tips for Couples                                

One of the earliest pictures I have of my childhood is at the age of 2. My mother had me dressed in a black suit, white shirt, and tie with my hair perfectly combed.  This was great that my mother was teaching me about professional image, but somehow I learned, "I should be perfect".

Like many of you reading this eZine, I struggle with perfectionism. I have to daily battle that evil thought inside my head, "I'm not good enough".

What is perfectionism? First, it's unrealistic expectations about life, yourself, and others. Second, it's over concern with small flaws in life, yourself, or others. Having perfectionism in the work place will zap you of freedom, joy, success, and relationships.

Realize there is a difference between striving for excellence rather than striving for perfection. Excellence is your BEST. Perfection has no flaws. Working and living with excellence is attainable to everyone of us. Striving for perfection without mistakes is humanly impossible.

In my counseling office I have an old antique table that has some chips on it. I love it because it is so unique. It has character and beauty all through its veneer and is an excellent piece of furniture!

Work with E's. Work with excellence! Give and go for your BEST!

Remember this quote from a Discovery friend who said, "I'm good and good is good enough!"

If you or someone you know is struggling with perfectionism and need some supportive counseling...

Call 903-819-0301 or  Contact Brent Now.

While watching the television show, The Bachelor a few years ago, I fell in love with one of the favorite quotes of one of the bachelorettes. She said, "Work like you don't need the money, dance like no one is watching, and love like you have never been hurt."

Do you remember the complete joy, fun, and freedom you felt as a child dancing?

One of my clients shared how as a child her mother scolded her one day when she was caught dancing without inhibition and shaking her booty. Ever since that moment, this female client became afraid, insecure, and ashamed of expressing herself. She lost her childlike playfulness.

As a teenager I danced free of fear of people's judgment. Yet, as I grew up, I began to fear looking like a fool on the dance floor. I have to admit, I'm not a good dancer, and my wife, and daughter have reminded me of this many times. However, the little boy inside can let loose and dance without fear when he gets a little encouragement!

Dancing is a great way to have fun! Dancing is a playful exercise to leap, laugh, and let loose all the seriousness we hold on to. My wife and I made a New Year's resolution to take a dance class together.

Come on guys and gals, get off your buns, and find your dance partner. Live, laugh, and have fun by dancing like no one is watching!

Remember to register for the FREE seminar sponsored by Morgan Stanley.

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Like a Million Bucks!
Seminar

Contact Brent now!  

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